Divorce Day - postponed
Week last Monday 10th January 2022 was Divorce Day – the most popular day in the year when people contact solicitors about severing the nuptial knot. For many couples time spent together over Christmas in enforced family bonhomie, reflecting on the past year and considering new year resolutions, with the possible disappointment in knowing that aspirations may never become realities, make people reassess whether their life partner is the person they want to spend their life with.
As the law stands now you can get divorced only if you can show that your spouse has committed adultery and you find him or her intolerable to live with, or your spouse behaves unreasonably, or you separate and wait two years for a marriage or civil partnership to be dissolved.
Just before Christmas I separated from a long-term relationship, but the reason for our separation was not infidelity or erratic behaviour it was merely a long distance relationship which had run its course - we rarely saw each other since he lived in Europe and I live in London – but we were not married so we could simply decide not to see each other anymore – but if we were married – living in different countries is not a reason for a divorce – unless separated – but as from 6th April this is set to change.
The ‘biggest shake-up in divorce laws for 50 years’ is due to come into effect on 6th April 2022 says Toby Walne in the Mail on Sunday. As from 6th April you do not need to prove that the other party has been unfaithful or behaves unreasonably.
As from 6th April 2022 married couples can get a divorce by making a joint application for an amicable divorce.
‘The abandonment of fault blamed divorce… should negate the need for difficult conversations in often emotional situations’ Prabhleen Kundhi a divorce and finance solicitor for IBB Law says in the Mail on Sunday ‘It will remove an often-costly part of separation’ – (which may not be good for family law professionals)
The cost of a divorce will fall, and the speed of the process will go up, but this may not always be a good thing – act in haste repent at leisure - so the saying goes.
We are to face the most serious hike in cost-of-living increases, soaring energy costs, galloping inflation, and rocketing tax rises, some economists are predicting a cut in real incomes worse than that seen during the financial crisis of 2008. If you then add to this the extra burden of funding another home, past infidelities or minor behavioural irritations may be better swept under the carpet – or as my mother would say ‘get over it’
The aristocracy has been living with infidelity and erratic behaviour for centuries – but they rarely divorce - which is why so many have been able to sustain their family wealth for centuries.
Anne Glenconner, now 89, the daughter of the fifth Earl of Leicester, spent 30 years as Princess Margaret’s lady-in-waiting. She writes about life as an aristocrat in her best-selling novels. Infidelity she says is ‘an aristocratic curse’. Her own husband Colin Tennant was unfaithful and abusive. Yet she believes in sticking it out: she stayed with Tennant ‘for the sake of their children’ – while sharing the odd ‘wonderful weekend’ with a ‘dear friend of her own’. Glenconner, Henry Mance quotes in the FT as saying ‘One knew that men have affairs’ ‘And if it gets too bad, then one has one oneself. It’s quite a grown-up way to behave’
Having a marital fling can be very exciting, very sexy, but leaving a spouse with decades of shared memories, close friends, possibly several children and a joint home for a lover you scarcely know is not always wise – ‘out of the pan and into the fire’ in many cases
But not everyone, can live like an aristocrat and for some - to journey alone – is better than badly accompanied, but certainly taking time to reflect on whether to break a relationship or not is beneficial and the new laws will sweep away this time to reflect.
From what I can see around me most people get married to provide a solid home in which to raise a family, they then divorce when the burdens become too heavy, and the relationship becomes humdrum they are then vulnerable to the attractions of another and then feel guilty.
If this is true, then the words of Pope Francis maybe worth reflecting on. In the UK according to Peter Stanford in the Daily Telegraph, the childbirth rate has fallen steadily since 1970’s, whereas our enthusiasm for pets has soared. The country is now home to an estimated 12.5 million dogs, which is just a whisker below the number of children under 16.
During an audience at the Vatican recently, the pontiff, a celibate 85-year-old, castigated couples who ‘substitute cats and dogs for children’. It was, he said, ‘proof of a certain ‘selfishness…it makes us laugh but it’s true. Renouncing parenthood diminishes us. It takes away our humanity’
One of the best decisions I ever made was to have children – but I would not go as far as to say it increased my humanity – it was hard work and expensive. My niece got married last year and she and her husband have decided to have cats instead of children – she looks up against the costs and burden of raising kids compared to the benefits and joys of having cats – so she and her husband have decided to have cats – and it would be wrong to judged her and her husband as being ‘selfish’. They will have more money and more time to do what they want to do – true, but that does not make them selfish?
Decisions in life are tough, and to be a good divorce lawyer you also need to be a good counsellor as well as familiar with the law. However, for many family law professionals a large chunk of their income maybe under threat as from 6th April. So my advice to them is to join Caroline’s Club so that their other skills and expertise are more widely known across our network of private client professionals.
Please let me have your comments and don’t forget to register for Caroline’s Club – it’s FREE to register and you can then learn more about our exclusive award winning club of leading private client professionals who are keen to win business and build trust with clients simply register here